how to become friends with literally anyone

no. 10 // it’s not charm, it’s just a singular simple worldview on how i see people

i s2g this show convinced me to move to nyc

Once in a while, people ask me who my friends are. Do you mainly hang out with friends from school, or friends from work, which, I suppose, is the primary option set for where one could source friends. They are surprised at my answer: that it is neither– really, it’s just friends I’ve made from running around New York. Friends of friends, people I just meet at parties and hit it off with. That sort of deal. Apparently this is unusual, and I want to talk to you about it.

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I am the most extraverted person I know. I will talk to anyone under the sun, about any topic under the sun, as long as the other party is interested. Consequently, I end up finding myself invited to random events semi-frequently, which lead to warm, 2-hour coffees, which then lead to more house parties, which settles me ni

cely into a pleasant infinite loop of meeting new and interesting people.

I am inordinately good at befriending people because (1) I love people and (2) I hate small talk. So by befriend, I mean I don’t mean superficially– I am giving you rapt attention and genuine space to be yourself. I am curious about people– people contain worlds, histories, stories that span across generations and geographies, all layered into their psychology, formulating a unique identity. Isn’t that fascinating? Don’t you want to know more?

So maybe you’re not necessarily super comfortable with each other because you’ve just met, but there is this feeling that I understand you and you understand me. And as long as this mutual belief exists during the course of a conversation, genuine sharing ensues, and voila, a friendship begins to form.

But first, a bit of backstory

As I have alluded to, I am from somewhere random in the South, somewhere nice and square far from both New York and California. Specifically, I grew up in a small to medium-sized town in the heart of the Bible Belt (Southern Baptist), somewhere ethnically homogenous (white), and politically uniform (conservative). You get the picture.

What this means is that people were extraordinarily friendly. I mean, the kind of friendly where you smiled at every stranger and always said hi, how are you when you walked past. The kind of friendly where people would hold open doors even if you were 10 feet away, and they genuinely wouldn’t mind waiting for you as you strolled to catch it. The kind of friendly where, while you’re waiting in line at the local grocery store, you’d comment about the weather with enthusiasm, gusto, and genuinely enjoy the conversation. If this sounds like hell, you’re city folk. If not, welcome to God’s country.

there’s a perfect quote in here about Pushkin remarking on how beautiful the weather is that i think captures this sentiment perfectly. i’m also reading this book right now, if u are too lmk what u think

But it’s not as simple or straightforward as my demeanor. I’m a child of immigrants from Beijing, which means from a young age, I was reconciling two radically different cultures, inside and outside the home. Though these two cultures had values, languages, and norms that were in stark contrast, it put me in a unique vantage point. Straddling these worlds, I could see that underneath the surface, we had strong, almost universal threads of commonality…

Philosophically, I believe we are the same.