As an introvert myself, I find that people like you are the only reason I have any friends at all, so even though I don’t know you, thank you for baring the inner workings of it all, my latest post is also about extroverts if you want the flip side of this sentiment xx
idk if i ever told you but in college i admired how you could literally become friends with anyone so much, like you're such a people person and i love that about you
Assuming we are already friends is the only thing that has been truly effectively with my social anxiety. Before I start speaking to a stranger, I always try to remember to recite that phrase - or the feeling of that phrase - to myself beforehand. "We're already friends." "Hey, there's my friend." I literally pretend we have a positive, close history together.
After I started practicing this, I quickly found out that it not only eased my anxiety hugely, but helped me connect with people and be far more authentic than I ever was before.
This is such an interesting viewpoint to read as someone who has typically experienced the opposite: feeling like the majority of people do not understand me and I do not understand them. But maybe it’s because I haven’t tried to get into their shoes the way you have. I think it’s mostly that a lot of people are so boring to me even after I try to understand them and get more personal. It is so hard to connect when someone refuses to reveal too much of themself or be too truthful. Maybe I just haven’t learned how to bring people out of their shell? Or I don’t create a safe enough space for people to be honest about who they are? Maybe I’m too outwardly judgmental…
Thank you for showing this perspective though, it’s giving me a lot to reflect about on my own social behaviors.
I feel this way often too. I've always had a curiosity about people and been told I do a good job of creating a safe space for people to share/be themselves. However, lately I have also felt bored or even irritated by the people I'm interacting with. It saddens me as I was always someone who loved people and felt it was a privilege to be let into their worlds.
As some of my more meaningful friendships of my early 20s have changed/ended, I'm wondering if the differences I once was intrigued by are now disappointing because I'm approaching the interaction with the hopes of being seen/understood rather than out of pure curiosity. Like the void of connection in my existing friendships breeds some resentment that is impeding my ability to remain curious and open.
the desire to be seen is 100% important! i think everyone wants to feel seen, understood, acknowledged, etc…. and there’s a certain amount of genuineness that can only exist if u rly do see the other person & they see u back
i’m glad it helped u think thru things! interesting reflection on allowing ppl space to be and feel seen— it’s smth i do subconsciously but interesting for me to think about how i do it!
as i've gotten older, i've gravitated to making new friends and being invested in learning about who they are, their ways of doing and living. i find people's habits and behaviors so fascinating.
You sound lovely. You are genuinely very interested in other people. I was expecting a listicle and I thought what you wrote was more honest. To make friends with literally anyone it helps to be genuinely interested in literally anyone. I mean it when I say you sound lovely, to have such curiosity and empathy… and also, it made me realize I don’t and I’m fine with that. 😆
I resonate so much with this post. I have found that experiencing such a rough start to friendships/relationships in my teen years-early adulthood made me more equipped to develop friendships and maintain them at the age of 24. I wholeheartedly believe that there’s space for more than one group of friends in my life, and I’m looking forward to meeting new people each and every step of the way. <3
Love this…great work ❤️ I also find glimmers of conversation and connection as I go through my day. One of my friends asked me about it, and I told her it’s always a goal of mine to go the extra step to let people know they’re seen. It’s remarkably effective and it’s free. In a world where most people look down when seeing a neighbor walking their dog, be the person who says “ooh, love that dress (shirt, 👓, or sneakers) and watch as their eyes light up. It makes the world we live in more alive.
The courage with which you are able to bare your heart to the world so effortlessly... and invite others to do the same. Respect 🫶🏻 And that's so sweet of you to automatically see someone as your friend 🥹
My thoughts exactly! I have the same exact views as the author but what I always struggle with is finding the right words or threads of conversation that will actually get people to share things and not scare them away.
oh good point! so basically ur curious about practically like— what do i ask about, how do i make them feel comfortable enough to open up & genuinely share, etc. i’ll have a think on that
100%! The mindset is one thing, and it is understandable. The execution is quite another and can be very difficult to envision for those of us not naturally inclined to it.
Omg I FEEL this. One thing that has been rattling around since Trump took office is: what if we’re more alike than we are different? I love that you live this way and it inspires me to want to stay open to people and let people be who they are and see what happens. This is truly what it means to care, to change the world, and to have a good life.
I totally agree with you; I'd like to believe that even people I disagree with are wholeheartedly convinced that their way is the best way for the greater good too. Maybe a bit naive but it makes me more open minded for sure haha
You got me 😆 the title was so intriguing—I just had to click on it. (Thank you algorithm for brining me here 😌)
Little did I expect to feel so connected to an extrovert. I'm an introvert by heart. I dread social gatherings. However, just like you, what keeps me going is curiosity for the world and the people living in it. It’s people like you that approach me first and make me excited to live.
I just hit subscribe and I can't wait to read more about your life and world views, April!
It’s so interesting, I stumbled across this essay after speaking to my much more extroverted sibling, who told me that they hold more or less the same worldview that this essay expresses! We were talking about traveling and they remarked that people are the same everywhere even when the places are different
I have been saying we need to be more hedonistic all year, and been so curiously fascinated by the definitions of fun, joy, hedonism, and enjoyment. I loved all of this! And also the mention of it. This is hedonism and fun: meeting and befriending people because it brings us joy to connect, without a utilitarian purpose nor a transactional interest behind it. 🫶🏻
When you strip it all back, we truly are all the same… such a wonderfully simple insight that is often forgotten in our hyper-individualistic digital world. All of us, coming from that same miraculous bang some 14 billion years ago. Truly mind boggling in a way that brings down the boundaries that keep us inside of ourselves rather than at one with the world.
As an introvert myself, I find that people like you are the only reason I have any friends at all, so even though I don’t know you, thank you for baring the inner workings of it all, my latest post is also about extroverts if you want the flip side of this sentiment xx
i adore my introverted friends haha, glad i could find u guys
idk if i ever told you but in college i admired how you could literally become friends with anyone so much, like you're such a people person and i love that about you
🥺🥺🥺 i miss u sm
Assuming we are already friends is the only thing that has been truly effectively with my social anxiety. Before I start speaking to a stranger, I always try to remember to recite that phrase - or the feeling of that phrase - to myself beforehand. "We're already friends." "Hey, there's my friend." I literally pretend we have a positive, close history together.
After I started practicing this, I quickly found out that it not only eased my anxiety hugely, but helped me connect with people and be far more authentic than I ever was before.
i love this!
This is such an interesting viewpoint to read as someone who has typically experienced the opposite: feeling like the majority of people do not understand me and I do not understand them. But maybe it’s because I haven’t tried to get into their shoes the way you have. I think it’s mostly that a lot of people are so boring to me even after I try to understand them and get more personal. It is so hard to connect when someone refuses to reveal too much of themself or be too truthful. Maybe I just haven’t learned how to bring people out of their shell? Or I don’t create a safe enough space for people to be honest about who they are? Maybe I’m too outwardly judgmental…
Thank you for showing this perspective though, it’s giving me a lot to reflect about on my own social behaviors.
I feel this way often too. I've always had a curiosity about people and been told I do a good job of creating a safe space for people to share/be themselves. However, lately I have also felt bored or even irritated by the people I'm interacting with. It saddens me as I was always someone who loved people and felt it was a privilege to be let into their worlds.
As some of my more meaningful friendships of my early 20s have changed/ended, I'm wondering if the differences I once was intrigued by are now disappointing because I'm approaching the interaction with the hopes of being seen/understood rather than out of pure curiosity. Like the void of connection in my existing friendships breeds some resentment that is impeding my ability to remain curious and open.
the desire to be seen is 100% important! i think everyone wants to feel seen, understood, acknowledged, etc…. and there’s a certain amount of genuineness that can only exist if u rly do see the other person & they see u back
i’m glad it helped u think thru things! interesting reflection on allowing ppl space to be and feel seen— it’s smth i do subconsciously but interesting for me to think about how i do it!
By this point I've come to the conclusion that some people are just born to be people persons and others just aren't lol
as i've gotten older, i've gravitated to making new friends and being invested in learning about who they are, their ways of doing and living. i find people's habits and behaviors so fascinating.
yessss u get it!
You sound lovely. You are genuinely very interested in other people. I was expecting a listicle and I thought what you wrote was more honest. To make friends with literally anyone it helps to be genuinely interested in literally anyone. I mean it when I say you sound lovely, to have such curiosity and empathy… and also, it made me realize I don’t and I’m fine with that. 😆
i love that for u haha. not everyone has to be curious and that’s also okay!
Glad your writing came up on the algorithm! Have a nice day!
I resonate so much with this post. I have found that experiencing such a rough start to friendships/relationships in my teen years-early adulthood made me more equipped to develop friendships and maintain them at the age of 24. I wholeheartedly believe that there’s space for more than one group of friends in my life, and I’m looking forward to meeting new people each and every step of the way. <3
Love this…great work ❤️ I also find glimmers of conversation and connection as I go through my day. One of my friends asked me about it, and I told her it’s always a goal of mine to go the extra step to let people know they’re seen. It’s remarkably effective and it’s free. In a world where most people look down when seeing a neighbor walking their dog, be the person who says “ooh, love that dress (shirt, 👓, or sneakers) and watch as their eyes light up. It makes the world we live in more alive.
The courage with which you are able to bare your heart to the world so effortlessly... and invite others to do the same. Respect 🫶🏻 And that's so sweet of you to automatically see someone as your friend 🥹
thank u!! i think i’m lucky where i grew up somewhere where everyone was generally p nice haha
Nice essay but you don't really say how you do it
My thoughts exactly! I have the same exact views as the author but what I always struggle with is finding the right words or threads of conversation that will actually get people to share things and not scare them away.
oh good point! so basically ur curious about practically like— what do i ask about, how do i make them feel comfortable enough to open up & genuinely share, etc. i’ll have a think on that
100%! The mindset is one thing, and it is understandable. The execution is quite another and can be very difficult to envision for those of us not naturally inclined to it.
It's always good to appear cliche so people find you attractive and relatable. (Src : pinterest)
Omg I FEEL this. One thing that has been rattling around since Trump took office is: what if we’re more alike than we are different? I love that you live this way and it inspires me to want to stay open to people and let people be who they are and see what happens. This is truly what it means to care, to change the world, and to have a good life.
I totally agree with you; I'd like to believe that even people I disagree with are wholeheartedly convinced that their way is the best way for the greater good too. Maybe a bit naive but it makes me more open minded for sure haha
I would do anything to have this super power tbh
u can!!! everything is learnable it just takes time and effort!
You got me 😆 the title was so intriguing—I just had to click on it. (Thank you algorithm for brining me here 😌)
Little did I expect to feel so connected to an extrovert. I'm an introvert by heart. I dread social gatherings. However, just like you, what keeps me going is curiosity for the world and the people living in it. It’s people like you that approach me first and make me excited to live.
I just hit subscribe and I can't wait to read more about your life and world views, April!
aww i’m glad!
It’s so interesting, I stumbled across this essay after speaking to my much more extroverted sibling, who told me that they hold more or less the same worldview that this essay expresses! We were talking about traveling and they remarked that people are the same everywhere even when the places are different
YES i had this same feeling when i was abroad!
I have been saying we need to be more hedonistic all year, and been so curiously fascinated by the definitions of fun, joy, hedonism, and enjoyment. I loved all of this! And also the mention of it. This is hedonism and fun: meeting and befriending people because it brings us joy to connect, without a utilitarian purpose nor a transactional interest behind it. 🫶🏻
When you strip it all back, we truly are all the same… such a wonderfully simple insight that is often forgotten in our hyper-individualistic digital world. All of us, coming from that same miraculous bang some 14 billion years ago. Truly mind boggling in a way that brings down the boundaries that keep us inside of ourselves rather than at one with the world.
Sick post.